4 Biggest Myths About Sex That Can Strain A Relationship

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Home Page > Relationships > Sexuality > 4 Biggest Myths About Sex That Can Strain A Relationship

4 Biggest Myths About Sex That Can Strain A Relationship

Posted: Jan 23, 2012 |Comments: 0

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Sex is a big part of any adult’s life. Even if you are not getting any action between the sheets, chances are that you are still thinking about it fairly often. If you are in a relationship, sex may well be the make or break factor. Several studies have shown that when couples have different sexual needs and desires, the relationship does not last very long. In spite of its significance, however, it is remarkable how many myths about sex people actually believe. Here are the top sex myths and their corresponding realities. See if reading through this list eases some of the pressures in your mind!

Men Always Want to Have Sex

 A lot of women, especially when they are young, are very nervous about entering a relationship, since they are constantly bombarded with the impression that men are sex-driven maniacs, who will spare no opportunity to get their partners into bed. The truth is that this false image pressurizes young men as much as it does women! Guys are scared to admit to their peers that their libidos are not as super-charged as they are made out to be, and it ends up being the ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’ kind of a situation.

 The reality is that anyone’s sex drive, man or woman (young or old), is influenced by a multitude of factors and generalizations rarely ever stick. It is true that young men often have a higher sex drive than young women, but the difference is not always as vast as suggested.

Your Partner Expects You to be a Sex God/Goddess

Especially if you have the idea that your partner is sexually more experienced than you are, you may fear that you will fall short of their expectations. Guess what? They are probably just as nervous as you! Just because someone is more experienced than you does not mean that they have a better understanding of sex itself, what the opposite sex wants and what they themselves want. In any case, every person is different with different sexual needs, so previous experience is not really a big plus point. If you want great sex in your relationship, what is most important is that you overcome barriers of embarrassment and communication with each other. When you understand each other’s fears, needs, desires and turn-on’s, you will enjoy an incredible sex life.

Sex is for Young People

This is one of the most shocking sex myths in the 21st century. Just because older people don’t talk about it as much and they are not featured as sex symbols in the media does not mean that they don’t enjoy sex! Contrary to belief, older men and post-menopausal women are not deprived by nature when it comes to their sex lives. Yes, sex drive does decline a bit with age, but it certainly does not wither away. What matters more is someone’s habits, lifestyle and mentality.

Men Cheat More

This is one extension of the common sex myth that men have a greater sex drive than women. However, once again, this myth has been busted a number of times by psychologists and relationship experts. Recent studies have revealed that one common reason for this myth is that women are better at keeping their affairs secret.

After browsing through this list of common myths about sex, you already have a better understanding about it. Remember, about sex more than anything else, you should be very skeptical about what is projected in social circles, in movies and on the television and your relationship will never be strained.

You are free to publish this article without any change in the content electronically, in print, in your e-book, or on your web site, free of charge, as long as the author resource details are included.

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3 Different Sex Positions You've Most Likely Never Tried Before

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Home Page > Relationships > Sexuality > 3 Different Sex Positions You've Most Likely Never Tried Before

3 Different Sex Positions You've Most Likely Never Tried Before

Posted: Jan 21, 2012 |Comments: 0

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Here are 3 different sex positions that you may have never tried before but can be lots of fun to try out with your girl.

The first of these different sex positions is known as the luscious lift.

While she lies comfortably on her back, kneel down in front of her and place her legs around your waist.

Important: for easiest access to her g-spot, her butt should be raised up in the air. I suggest placing a pillow underneath her so neither of you waste any energy to hold her in that position.

Now that she’s bent up this way, you want to penetrate her in a forward and backward motion.

Lean forward over her to build a stronger connection together while you look into her eyes and talk dirty to her.

Next is the roaring dragon.

This is best used on a surface that’s lower to the ground.

While your woman’s calves are on just on the edge of the bed… she’s bent over the end of it while her hands or arms are on the ground.

Again, you’ll need a flat surface that’s not too high to pull this one off.

Your girl can either hold herself up with her arms, or lay on a pile of pillows.

You should always have plenty of pillows around if you’re serious about your sex life.

The reason I say this is because we already know how important it is for your girl to be comfortable during sex for her to achieve orgasm… and having a lot of pillows just makes it that much easier for her to reach another whenever she wants that extra comfort.

So do yourself a favor and invest in a few extra pillows, your girl will appreciate it and so will your sex life.

Different sex position #3 is the pressed position.

Your girl lays flat on her back but brings her knees up so that she can place her feet on your chest. Get on your knees in front of her and spread your legs open around her bottom.

A lot really enjoy this one because it makes for an unusual sensation. Not only are you stimulating both the deep and g-spots at the same time, but the whole feeling of having her legs up and knees bent this way make for a whole different sensation.

Also take advantage of the fact that you’ve got her feet right there since this is one of her erogenous zones.

Trying out different sex positions is one great key to keeping some variety in your sex life.

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This Free Video shows 3 Different Sex Positions that always make her orgasm.Most guys never learn about the positions in this video but they are among the most effective for making your girl climax whenever you want.Watch the video here —–> SexGodBlueprint.com/Best-Sex-Positions
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Enjoy better Sex with Priligy Even with ED

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Home Page > Relationships > Sexuality > Enjoy better Sex with Priligy Even with ED

Enjoy better Sex with Priligy Even with ED

Posted: Jan 22, 2012 |Comments: 0

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Priligy is one of the most potent brand names of medicines when it comes to treating premature ejaculation. The drug is available in many European countries and in the United States as well. Since it was made available, millions of men have found it to be a blessing because it gave them a chance to treat one of the conditions many men suffer from but are too ashamed to talk about: impotence.

What Is Priligy?

Priligy is the brand name for a chemical combination known in the trade as “dapoxetine.” It is a type of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. In the United States, the drug is sold under regulation. Because it is a short-acting type of drug, it is known not to cause harmful side effects to the body especially to the heart and nerves, which often results from using drugs for the treatment of impotence but whose effects last longer. Thanks to the arrival of Priligy, men can now have a safer drug for their erectile problems.

How Does Priligy Work?

Because of the ability to inhibit the secretion of certain serotonin reuptake, Priligy allows a man not to ejaculate prematurely. This is a common problem with men who often do even though there is only very minimal stimulation. Priligy also gives the following benefits:

- It increases a man’s sexual stamina for as much as four times the normal.

- The effects are likely to be felt at least an hour after taking the medicine.

- It improves a man’s control especially on the aspect of controlling ejaculation better.

How Should I Take Priligy?

Priligy is to be taken with water at least an hour before the sexual performance. It is not to be chewed. Likewise, the drug comes in two dosages: 30 mg and 60 mg. It is important to take only your doctor’s recommended dosage. Moreover, only one dosage must be taken within 24 hours.

Priligy is generally prescribed to any male between the age of 18 and 64. The requirement for a man to be at least 18 years old when taking this is not really a matter of conforming to legal requirements but more as a need to make sure that the patient’s health is strong enough to withstand possible side effects.

What Are the Possible Side Effects of Priligy?

- Abdominal pain

- Abnormal dreams both in the content of the dream itself or on the frequency

- Anxiety

- Diarrhea

- Dizziness

- Dry mouth

- Facial flushing

- Flatulence

- Headache

- In some cases, taking Priligy regularly may also lead to more serious problems like depression, increased heart rate, vertigo, or even the gradual loss of one’s libido.

- Insomnia

- Nausea

- Vomiting

- Yawning and sleepiness

What Should I Discuss with My Doctor Before Taking Priligy?

Before taking Priligy, it is important to be open about one’s state of health particularly those pertaining to your heart and nerve conditions. Some minute abnormalities here may become the risk of one’s life. Conditions such as sudden or frequent palpitations, heart problems, or even habitual problems caused often by lifestyle such as frequent smoking and drinking or irregular sleeping habits must also be discussed.

Moreover, it is also important to ask the doctor of the possible consequences of taking the drug especially on the matter of dosages. Because the right dosage must always be observed, one should not gamble on taking more than what the doctor prescribes.

What Should I Avoid While Taking Priligy?

One of the first things to avoid when taking Priligy is taking anti-depressants. These drugs are known to counter the effects of Priligy with possible harmful effects to the health. Likewise, herbal treatments and some food supplements must also be avoided. This is why it is important to inform the doctor about the medicines one takes before taking Priligy to see to it that none of these will pose risks to one’s health.

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About the Author:
Jack P Smith, a well known health expert writes on different topics and explains various men and women health fitness related issues and tips to overcome all those. Browse through http://www.discreetpharma.net/ for more information on how to buy generic drugs online and other related topics.
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TREATMENT FOR SEX ADDICTION: Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

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TREATMENT FOR SEX ADDICTION: Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

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Home Page > Relationships > Sexuality > TREATMENT FOR SEX ADDICTION: Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

TREATMENT FOR SEX ADDICTION: Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

Posted: Jan 19, 2012 |Comments: 0

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In my opinion, long-term psychodynamic therapy is the most efficient way to cultivate healthy personality development. The most comprehensive treatment combines the empathy, insight and relational abilities of a psychodynamic psychotherapist with the 12-step orientation and cognitive-behavioral strategies of an addiction specialist.

What is Psychodynamic Psychotherapy?

The primary focus of psychodynamic treatment is on patients’ internal structural deficits rather than on their addictive symptoms. Besides compensating and repairing deficits in the self stemming from childhood misattunements with early caretakers, it may also be the most appropriate treatment to help individuals cope with life stressors and painful emotional states that contribute to urges to engage in addictive sexual behavior.

The focus of this type of therapy is to enhance individuals’ self-regulation and self-care, and to foster their capacity for meaningful interpersonal connections. Psychotherapy serves these goals by facilitating the development of healthy ways to regulate emotional self-states, for getting appropriate needs met in reality, for resolving inner conflicts, and for taking care of oneself in a spectrum of areas.

Integration of the patient’s personality is an important element of psychodynamic therapy. Sex addicts live in two worlds; the “normal” world of work and love and the “secret world” of sexual acting out. This split in the personality results in the addict having different value systems and goals for each part of the personality. Psychodynamic treatment promotes personality integration by bringing together under the light of consciousness the split, denied, dissociated and repressed aspects of the person’s mental functions. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde finally become one.

Some General Principles of Psychodynamic Therapy

Focus is on affect and expression of emotions. The therapist helps the patient describe and put words to feelings, including contradictory feelings, feelings that are threatening, and feelings that the patient may not initially be able to acknowledge.
Exploration of attempts to avoid distressing thoughts and feelings.
Knowing, but not knowing at the same time is the result of various defenses the person uses to remain unaware. One aspect of this type of therapy is actively focusing and exploring these avoidances. Patient and therapist chip away at defenses so unconscious material can be brought to consciousness where there is a chance of changing and adapting to reality.
Identification of recurring themes and patterns. Self-defeating patterns in patients’ thoughts, feelings, self-concepts, relationships and life experiences are put under a microscope.
The past is alive in the present. Past experience, especially early family-of-origin issues, affects our relation to, and experience of, the present. The goal is not just to dwell on the past for its own sake, but rather to help people free themselves from the bonds of past experience in order to live more fully in the present.
Focus on interpersonal relationships. Psychodynamic therapy emphasizes patients’ interpersonal experience. Problematic interpersonal patterns interfere with a person’s ability to meet emotional needs.
Exploration of the entirety of mental life. Patients are encouraged to say whatever comes to mind. Thoughts can range over various aspects of mental life, including desires, cravings, fears, fantasies, dreams and daydreams. All of this is a rich source of information about how the person views self and others, interprets and makes sense of experience, avoids aspects of experience, or interferes with potential capacity to find greater enjoyment, ease and meaning in life.

The goals of this type of therapy extend beyond healing the symptom (compulsive sex) but also foster the positive presence of inner capacities and resources. These might include more fulfilling relationships, more effective use of one’s talents and abilities, maintain a realistic sense of self esteem, tolerate a wider array of strong feelings without acting out, have more satisfying sexual experiences, greater understanding of self and other and face life’s challenges with greater freedom and flexibility. These goals are explored through self-reflection, self-exploration and self-discovery that take place in the context of a safe and deeply authentic relationship between therapist and patient.

Personality Factors Common to Sex Addicts

That are Addressed in Psychodynamic Therapy

Sexually compulsive behavior helps one manage fluctuating affects, self-sooth, and maintain self-esteem. Sex distracts from painful feelings and thoughts, counteracts inner emptiness, replaces feelings of fragmentation with an illusion of control, and temporarily bolsters self esteem.
Sexual activity is a form of self-medication, used to make unbearable feelings and self-states bearable. Addiction furnishes externally what cannot be provided internally.
Sexually compulsive individuals often have personalities with narcissistic features.
Poor capacity for self-regulation, self-efficacy and self-care
Sex Addicts tend to have difficulties sustaining relationships and feeling close to others.
Problems in family-of-origin where their individuality and needs were often ignored or punished.
In childhood, the true, authentic personality needed to go “underground” to please narcissistic parents; parts of the personality were then “split off ” and are enacted through sexual activity as the adult.
The person affected alternates between deprivation of needs/feelings and unrestrained indulgence. This state is marked by significant splitting and minimal integration. (The Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Syndrome)
Deviant sex provides a much-needed connection with another without the “danger” of relatedness.
Brief sexual encounters are seen as emotionally safe. They have a fixed ending point, no strings attached and have little room for conflict. Furthermore, anonymous partners cannot readily reject the addict upon the discovery of his real or perceived flaws.
Many sex addicts have a strong wish for control and a fear of vulnerability. They feel internally fragile and prone to fragmentation.
Sexual behaviors allow a feeling of control, power, triumph or omnipotence that compensates for early-life feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. Most likely a ritualized sexual enactment turns trauma into triumph and is a repetition compulsion with the unconscious aim of repairing the original childhood trauma. Dysfunctional relationships developing out of the trauma are enacted through sexual activity.
The details of a sexual enactment, and the fantasies that fuel it, are laden with symbolic meaning and are an aid in understanding the themes of inner conflict driving the behavior.

The Fruits of Treatment

Psychodynamic therapy can help addicts to develop:

An understanding of the internal factors driving their sexual behavior;
Better self-regulation through internalization of the nurturance, containment and structure of the therapeutic environment;
Improved capacity for interpersonal relationships and healthy sexuality;
Improved capacity for working at an optimal level;
Improved access to creative inner resources;
Improved capacity to reflect on thoughts and feelings, with a resulting increase in inner control and a decreased need to act out unwanted mental states;
Integration of the private and public selves: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde become one;
The therapist explores the client’s sexual behaviors and fantasies in detail. Like dreams, they have symbolic meaning and aid in understanding the structure of the personality as a whole.

References

Shedler, J. (2011) “The Efficacy of Psychodynamic Psychotherapy”

Goodman, A. (1998) “Sex Addiction”

Bean, M. and Zinberg, N. (Eds) (1981) “Dynamic Approaches to the understanding and Treatment of Alcoholism”

 

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About the Author:
Dorothy Hayden, LCSW, has been treating people afflicted with sexual addiction and sexual deviance for over 15 years.  With over twenty articles and an e-book to her name, Ms. Hayden is considered a “thought leader” in the field of sexual addiction.  Other writings can be found at http://www.sextreatment.com.
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TREATMENT OF SEX ADDICTION: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

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Home Page > Relationships > Sexuality > TREATMENT OF SEX ADDICTION: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

TREATMENT OF SEX ADDICTION: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Posted: Jan 19, 2012 |Comments: 0

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NLP is an approach to doing psychotherapy that was all the rage in the 70′s and early 80′s.  It is a model of the structure of your inner, subjective experience and how that experience influences behavior.  It provides a framework for eliciting the way you experience reality with a focus on reorganizing that experience so you, as a human being, can optimally function in work, love and recreation.  NLP is designed to elicit information from the subjective (inner) world, to see the limitations these experiences impose on each individual and to direct strategies to the conscious and unconscious processes for the purpose of facilitating change towards a happier, more satisfying life. 

Addiction, in all its forms, is a social epidemic and certainly represents an obstacle to a life well lived.  NLP’s methods, skills, and strategies (too numerous and complex to detail in this paper) allow for the construction of a wider and more effective repertoire of internally generated alternatives to addiction. 

As is the case with any major dysfunction or illness, sex addiction, or the process of being a sex addict, erodes your internal repertoire of choices, until life becomes determined by basically one primary factor: access to sex and to the “erotic haze” that accompanies it.  Stated in a different way, the acquisition of a sexual “rush” determines your lifestyle and  imposes severe limitations on your experience of yourself and your life. 

NLP offers “technology” for therapists to deliberately internally “install” various strategies and processes, allowing you the required range of choices needed for you to move toward an addiction-free, satisfying sense of well being in your life.  It both increases your awareness of your internal processes in measurable ways and provides specific methodologies for using information obtained through your conscious/unconscious processes in the manner of one who has “enlightened self-interest.”  If internally no new choices or alternatives are generated in you, you will repeat – ad nauseum – choices and behaviors that obviously no longer work in the present, but which at some point in time, appeared to have produced results.

 One of NLP’s precepts is that all behavior makes sense in the context in which it was originated (called “Positive Intent of Behavior versus the Manifested Behavior).  Behavior, no matter how bizarre if may appear to be (I think of fetishes), makes sense when it is perceived in the context of the choices generated by the individual’s particular model of himself and the world.  Addiction is not a matter of making a wrong choice, but of not having sufficient internal choices – thus you act on old instruction or generally outdated information that has no bearing on the present except that the present contains the trigger that sets the old behavior in motion. 

The more entrenched the behavior is, the more likely it is to be connected to early survival skills – the need for protection, nurturing, feeling enlivened yet safe, or the need to explore the world as an individual separate from Mother (the sexual need for novelty and excitement).  You can see that, somehow-or-other, things went developmentally array in your childhood and the survival-seeking pleasure of existence was not provided in the way you needed it to be provided. 

The result is that you go to sexual excitement (remember of definition of sex addiction) to get non-sexual, emotional needs met.  I suspect that the original positive intent of your behavior was to feel safe, valued, recognized, wanted and alive.  When compared to the “Manifested Behavior” – the addiction with all of its dreaded consequences, you can clearly see that behavior that had an original positive intent in the past now manifests as behavior that doesn’t satisfy your needs in a real, consistent, self esteeming enhancing way, but rather produces most of the distressing internal and external circumstances of your life. 

One of NLP’s contributions to sexual recovery is that it allows you to access and employ your internal resources in order to have a repertoire of feelings and behaviors that you can refer to which can appropriately take the place of compulsive sexuality by fulfilling some of your needs in realistic, sustaining ways. 

“Reframing” is an NLP stalwart strategy.  To “reframe” a stimulus (e.g. sexual urges) means to change the meaning of the stimulus and thus to change the way you behave towards the stimulus. 

To “reframe” the past means to look at it differently in light of new information and growing maturity.  When I was in therapy, I could only bemoan growing up in the chaos of life with two alcoholic parents.  I would regale the therapist with tales of the HORROR of it all!  At some point in my development, I began to have a series of positive memories about my parents.  Although dysfunctional after their illness took over, there were, in fact, many years of togetherness, closeness and fun.  I have also come to recognize that they were not bad people, just people with a bad disease.  Despite it all, they managed to march to the tune of their own drummer in terms of their lifestyle choices and engendered in me enough love of learning to be able to write this book!  So…voila!  You can change the past, depending on which frame you choose to put on it. 

NLP uses a “Six-Step Reframe” to work with a variety of unwanted behaviors, thoughts, feelings and attitudes.  I encapsulate for the sake of simplicity. 

Identify the behavior to be changed.  In other words, what do you want and what stops you from getting there at this time.  You may, for instance, was to enjoy sexuality as an experience shared with a cherish partner that leaves you feeling enlivened rather than depleted and self-hating.  What stops you from getting there?  Why, your addiction, of course.
Establish communication with the part of you that generates the behavior.  This is the part of you that revels in the experience of intense sexual pleasure and can’t figure out, for the life of you, why you would ever want to stop.  You need to understand that the addict part is part of your early survival skills and will only change if presented with additional internal alternatives to the addiction that responds as successfully, or preferably even better to the original needs.
Separate the original, positive intention of the behavior from the actually manifested addictive behavior.   Almost all of the techniques for recovery covered in this book include a process of “dissociating” from the addiction.
Create alternative behaviors to satisfy the intention.  Ask yourself:  in what other ways might I feel safe, enlivened, protected?  How might I give vent to my leanings toward mystery, novelty and risk that aren’t sexual?  Ask the “wise man” inside you for 3-5 ways of dealing with life other than with the use of sex or pornography.
Check again with your “addict” part to see if he’ll accept at least one of the new choices. 
Ecological check.  The therapist asks you to check if there are any parts of yourself that appear to object to the preceding negotiations and, if not, if you then feels that all of you is willing to support trying new behavior that supports the original intention of the lustful behavior.

In summary, the Six-Step Reframe represents some of the most significant models of NLP, the creation and behavioral installment of an internal repertoire of choices to deal effectively with life events, the belief that individuals have all the resources they need to lead satisfying lives, that the therapist’s job is to help the client in accessing thee internal resources and that all behavior, no matter how bizarre, makes sense in the context in which it was originated.  It further demonstrates that there is a positive connotation in all dysfunctional behavior.  This connotation is the pivotal point for turning current negative behavior around by offering an array of choices that responds more appropriately to the original needs.  Finally given the opportunity, the human being moves toward well being which can only occur in the context of the continual creation of new internal alternatives and choices.

-
About the Author:
Dorothy Hayden, LCSW, has been treating people afflicted with sexual addiction and sexual deviance for over 15 years.  With over twenty articles and an e-book to her name, Ms. Hayden is considered a “thought leader” in the field of sexual addiction.  Other writings can be found at http://www.sextreatment.com.
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